Lifestyle Changes.

Lifestyle changes begin with the mind. Making the change and facing the problem head on, starts with YOU. You have to WANT the change. When you went to your last doctor visit did you get weighed? Did you notice the diagnosis of "overweight," "obese," or "morbidly obese?" I did! I noticed an increase in my weight after I got married... 6 years ago! I kept denying the fact that I was gaining weight, even with buying new clothes just to see the size go up.

Reality check. November 27, 2017 changed my life forever. Bill and I decided we needed a change. We did some research and chose to follow a low carb, high fat "diet." We wrote a grocery list and headed to Aldi. Once we got home from the grocery store, we realized eating healthy isn't as expensive as what we thought. Aldi is now our go-to store! Inexpensive, good quality foods. 

Weight loss. I lost 4lbs in 2 days. Ummm, hello!? The first few days are rough.. I'll be the first to admit it. I wanted to give up so bad, but those 4lbs were my motivation to keep going. Researchers say that the first week of this new change is considered the "flu." This feeling goes away, trust me! Even though some days can be frustrating, I have learned that every little ounce lost is a step in the right direction to a healthier lifestyle. Here's a look at my weight loss:

• Week 1 total loss = 8lbs
• Week 2 total loss = 1lb
• Week 3 total loss = 2lbs
• Week 4 total loss = 2lbs
• Week 5 total loss = 2lbs
• Total weight loss = 15lbs

For the men out there, Bill has lost a total of 30lbs in the same timeframe! His weight loss journey is just as incredible.

Food. So I'm sure you're anxious to know what foods we're eating. Nothing too crazy, honestly. It's important to look at Total Carbohydrates found on the nutrition label. This is where you start! Once you get an idea of what foods are on the lower end, you'll get an idea of meals you can make. First off, stay away from most fruits and grains. Trust me it's okay that you aren't eating fruit, your body will get the nutrients it gets from fruits, from other foods. Here's a list of items I add to my grocery list:

• Kerrygold butter
• Sour cream
• Milk/Almond milk
• Eggs
• Bacon
• Sausage
• Almond flour
• Cheeses
• Cucumber
• Chicken (thighs, breast, wings)
• Ranch dressing
• Mushrooms
• Cauliflower
• Beef
• Pork rinds (Can be used to replace breadcrumbs.)
• Tuna
• Shrimp
• Asparagus
• Broccoli
• Green beans
• Lettuce
• Peppers
• Zucchini
• Coconut oil
• Olive oil
• Water
• Cream cheese
• String cheese
• Peanuts
• Almonds
• Walnuts
• Heavy cream
• Stevia

Most people ask me for meal plans. Here's an idea of a week:

Monday -

Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 4 slices of bacon/ coffee with heavy whipping cream

Snack: Buffalo chicken dip with 7-8 slices of cucumber

Lunch: Salad with meat (grilled chicken, steak, or tuna) topped with cheese and Ranch dressing.

Snack: Cheese stick

Dinner: Bunless cheeseburger topped with bacon, tomato, lettuce, Mayo

Tuesday -

Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 3 sausage links/ coffee with heavy whipping cream

Snack: Hard boiled egg

Lunch: Salad with meat topped with cheese and Ranch dressing.

Snack: Buffalo chicken dip with 7-8 slices of cucumber

Dinner: 1 Chicken breast with homemade Alfredo sauce, asparagus

Wednesday -

Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 4 slices of bacon/ coffee with heavy whipping cream

Snack: 10 slices of pepperoni with cheese

Lunch: Salad with meat topped with cheese and Ranch dressing.

Snack: 2 slices of bacon, handful of cherry tomatoes

Dinner: Chicken wings (limit the amount of BBQ sauce, use hot sauce instead), Ranch dressing to dip

Thursday - 

Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 4 slices of bacon/ coffee with heavy whipping cream

Snack: 10 slices of pepperoni with cheese

Lunch: Salad with meat topped with cheese and Ranch dressing.

Snack: Buffalo chicken dip with 7-8 slices of cucumber

Dinner: Steak topped with Kerrygold butter, roasted broccoli with melted butter

Friday - 

Breakfast: 2 eggs/ 3 sausage links/ coffee with heavy whipping cream

Snack: Hard boiled egg and cheese stick

Lunch: Salad with meat topped with cheese and Ranch dressing.

Snack: 2 slices of roast beef rolled in cheese

Dinner: Chicken cutlets pounded with meat tenderizer, seasoned with Italian seasoning, topped with pizza sauce, mozzarella cheese, and pepperoni, with a side a broccoli

See a trend? Yep! This is just an idea of one week and with some meal prepping, your week is planned out and you're ready to start losing weight. After your first week, DON'T GIVE UP! Message me for more ideas! I'd be happy to run with you during this change. Also, I forgot to mention, drink lots and lots of water! Your body is going to freak out at first, but keep hydrated with water, keep your mind occupied, and stay active.

Let's start a challenge! Since so many of you have shown interest in losing weight, changing your eating habits, etc., I'm willing to work with you, sharing recipes, motivate you, and truly be your supporter! Let me know!

Recently, I have branched out and tried some new foods. I've been craving cookies! Let me tell you, I was a little hesitant with baking chocolate chip cookies, but damn, were these cookies ever amazing!! Here's a link to the recipe: https://meaningfuleats.com/almond-flour-chocolate-chip-cookies-grain-free/

Tonight's dinner was a rump roast, onions, and radishes in the crockpot. Bill made dinner and he said it was super easy! He picked up a roast at Myer's Meat Market (another great place to stock up on inexpensive, high quality meat), sliced up an onion, and tossed in a pound of red radishes, with some seasonings. Bill is pretty skeptical when it comes to trying something like this, I mean, who wouldn't - radishes used in place of potatoes!? This boy ate it all and even asked when we could have this meal again! I love his reactions to new foods! Oh, and FYI, for 1 medium radish it is .2g carbs (minus .1g dietary fiber, then technically it's only .1g carb... but let's not get too technical yet), compared to 1 medium red potato equaling 34g carbs! Hellllllo, why would you not want to try this!!! 

Below is a picture of buttered green beans with chicken pizzas. Another awesome meal, leaving you feeling filled to the gills.

Infertility. A lot of you are curious where I stand with baby-making. Well, no baby and no pregnancy, yet. As you may know, I put treatments on hold for almost a year as I had a bad experience with a medication I was put on and other personal reasons. However, over the past month, I found a new fertility doctor who also specializes in reproductive endocrinology, which is great! I'm excited!! As of this past weekend, I took 5 days worth of Femara, which I will then follow up at the fertility center later this week for testing, in hopes to complete an IUI either this weekend or next week. Exciting stuff going on up in here!! Whoop, whoop! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers as I'm a bit anxious!

My journey through life is not done alone; through the support of you all, my family, husband, and friends, I am thankful I can continue to share what life events get thrown my way with each and every one of you. Very few people actually read through the entire blog post, but for the few that do, thank you! Be sure to leave a comment to let me know you made it all the way through! 

~ Emily 

Cancer scare.

6 month update, and go....

Have you ever struggled with something for what seemed like forever? Or something that you deal with on a daily basis? Something you keep inside and don't really talk to others about? I can answer yes to all 3 of those questions! Not only do I struggle with infertility, I've been struggling more lately with thyroid complications. I just knew something didn't seem right. As much as I diet or work-out, I have been struggling with my weight for the past few years. My body aches. My head hurts. I'm tired all day even when I get 8+ hour of sleep a night. My anxiety is out of control. My immune system is terrible; as I'm currently sick with another sinus infection, which makes 4 for the year. And the list goes on... I just want to feel normal again. I want to feel how I felt when I was in the early years of high school. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen anytime soon, so instead, we'll just figure out how to manage how I am today. A person with an abnormal acting thyroid, can have lots of unusual side effects and complications. 

Anxiety. Phewwwww, where do I begin? Well self-help has been my best friend during times of anxiety. Whether it's social anxiety, or even my husband's driving.. Yikes! It's probably not even bad driving skills, it's just me over-reacting which throws a monkey wrench into it and then he gets mad. I'm sorry babe, I just can't control it... or so I think. I think I am getting one step closer to overcoming social anxiety. My company sent a group of us to a conference 3 hours away from home. At first, I thought there is no way I can do this. But then I thought, what could possibly go wrong, right? I mean, I was fine on the outside, it was just my inside was a hot mess, haha. Needless to say, I survived and was thankful I went! 

New doctor. Timing is everything. The endocrinologist who I had been going to, who I thought was managing my hypothyroidism, was let go. It was my responsibility to find a new physician - a new specialist, which is difficult because I wanted the best. I wanted to find someone who could help me not only manage my thyroid, but who could also help with the infertility. Surprisingly enough, I found a nurse practitioner. She listened to my questions and found me the answers. She explained in detail why things aren't happening and why things are happening - never did I have that. While the previous doctor didn't do any research about my thyroid and just used lab work to make the diagnosis and determine medication dosage, my new CRNP wanted more. So I was set up to have a thyroid ultrasound. Doesn't sound like much, but it was very uncomfortable. Then I waited, and waited, and waited, for which seemed like weeks for results. And then there is good 'ole technology called "patient portal." Ha, that was such a terrible idea for me... I read the report by the Radiologist, and down at the bottom of the page read... "Biopsy." There are 2 nodules that straddle the thyroid. Talk about a panic attack!!!! I felt bad for anyone I encountered because my nerves sure got the best of me. Two days after the ultrasound, my CRNP contacted me and told me the news. As I sat in my office, all I could focus on was the "C" word - cancer. I'm 28 years old, I can't have cancer. Another "Why me?" question... Boy did the tears take over - not only that moment, but non-stop tearfulness. I was scared!

I called to setup my biopsy with an oncologist who was recommended as "the best." When I called to schedule, the scheduler told me that he was out of the office for 2 weeks. Two weeks, are you kidding me! I need answers like now!! Well, I waited for the two longest weeks EVER. Thank goodness for my mom, we ventured to the oncology office and thank god for being the first patient of the day, I was taken back to the procedure room right away. The physician came in, did an exam, discussed what was going on, and reviewed the ultrasound. The doctor explained that even though there are two nodules, they are small enough to not need to biopsy them. And although they COULD be cancer, thyroid cancer is very treatable and manageable. I will follow up again in 1 year for another ultrasound! Good news, right!? 

The oncologist also informed me that I have Hashimoto's disease, which explains why I have the symptoms I have. Hashimoto's disease goes hand-in-hand with hypothyroidism. It is also an autoimmune disorder, which explains why I get sick as soon as there is a bug going around. I know I used to blog so much about PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), however, I feel that PCOS is not an accurate diagnosis for me. So my next step is to try to figure out how to manage Hashimoto. Anyone have any experience with it? I started reading Thyroid Revolution by Dr. Aviva Romm. It has been helpful to connect with a physician who understands! I feel like she wrote the book specifically just for me! 

Life. My focus isn't so much about getting pregnant. As bad as I'd love to start a family. I know right now is not the right time. I've learned over the past few months, that I need to focus on ME. Life has been good! Bill and I have been putting time into our relationship, which is good for any marriage. We celebrated 6 years of marriage in September and I'm thankful for where God has brought me. I always think of the quote, " You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved."

Not a whole lot has changed, so we'll make this short and sweet. I thank you for supporting me in this journey! 

Much love,
Emily

Does my infertility make you uncomfortable?

The emotional struggle of infertility and childlessness is evident in my life - more and more people my age are pregnant because that is normal in your 20s. Seeing the joy and everlasting love they share with their child is amazing to see; however, my heart continues to ache. I feel as if I am watching others live MY dream. I have always dreamed of being a mother. I try not to lose hope, but let's be real, some days I lose it all.

Here's my list of things I normally don't tell ANYONE about my journey with infertility and please, don't be uncomfortable with what I'm about to say:

• I need days alone to just grieve.
• I still want to be included in (stuff).
• I appreciate you telling me your pregnant 1:1.
• I cry a lot, but still smile - just because.
• Your advice isn't helpful. I've heard a MILLION times, "Just don't think about it."
• Don't hide the fact you're pregnant because you're scared how I may react.
• I feel like an outsider sometimes.
• I do not want to hear you complain about your pregnancy.
• I put my feelings aside because I feel guilty.

****************

I took a day off from work today and was able to get a lot done around the house. As a took a break from folding laundry, I turned on the TV and just so happened to catch the Today Show with Hoda Kotb and Kathy Lee Gifford. Today, Hoda returned from "maternity leave." She adopted a beautiful baby girl. Her story and journey are incredible. At one point, I caught myself crying. While talking about whether she should adopt at her age and if the "time is right," she mentioned the feeling of her life not being complete - so she went for it. She knew it was right when she held her baby girl for the first time! "I'll take the bad ones (days) because I would've begged for that kind of a day, if I could just have a child." I feel this feeling oh so frequently. When I hear parents complaining about how terrible their child was that day, or how they can't do this, or can't do that because of their child(ren). Really?! How do you think people who struggle getting pregnant feel when we hear this? I may never get the chance to birth my own child and experience all the joy you have from pregnancy and beyond. Just think about that the next time... 

I continue to follow many couples who have adopted, which gives me hope that maybe one day Bill and I can do the same. What are we waiting for? We still have so many questions and our comfort level isn't where it needs to be, but I have faith, we'll get there! If you've adopted, I'd love to hear your story! This isn't to say, trying to conceive on our own is out of the picture. We still have a few options through the infertility specialist we haven't tried. 

"God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than all your disappointments."

God bless and much love,

Emily

Birth control starts NOW.

Got my birth control today! What the hay, you ask? Yep, I scheduled an appointment with my gynecologist for today to discuss getting back on birth control after 6 years. Yes, I know what you're thinking... You want to get pregnant, but want to start birth control?! After watching an episode of Teen Mom, Maci expresses her struggle with PCOS. She mentioned being on birth control her whole life to manage symptoms of PCOS. Once she either stopped or skipped a dose, her body was still in "birth control mode" by keeping her body and cycle "normal," but not preventing pregnancy. I read up on birth control being used to manage PCOS and it is very common. Since I struggle with A LOT of symptoms, I had no choice, but to make an appointment to get some BC. I'm a little nervous to start the pills, because of the hormones, but at least this time it's a small dose. Let me tell you, it took a lot of convincing for Bill to let me get it. 

Something else new in my life since my last post is becoming a presenter with Younique. I have been using their skin care products and am extremely pleased with the outcome. Because of PCOS, my face was not clear of pimples and very sensitive to any new products I would put on my face. Thankfully, I took the leap to try something new and glad I did! I encourage anyone that struggles with redness, pimples, uneven skin tones, etc., to try out Younique. 

Another update, just because I feel like you all have missed so much from the last blog, Bill and I have made more time for each other. With putting aside the frustrations and let downs from infertility treatments, we have been able to focus on each other. Love is important in any relationship, and it's easy for the outside world to become a distraction. We've done pretty much everything TOGETHER, like grocery shopping, projects around the house, errands, and household chores. When we were going through treatments, EVERYTHING felt like a chore, including sex. Now, I'm happy to say NOTHING is a chore. We enjoy the time spent together and gracious for what we have, and excited for what the future holds; whether we're blessed with a baby or not, we will accept anything the good Lord has planned for us. I know it's easier said than done, but we'll get through it together. 

It's been extremely difficult lately with seeing how happy couples are announcing their pregnancy and the frequent pregnancy updates on social media. I'm happy for these couples, but it's a daily struggle for me... I feel like I should apologize in advance for my fake smile and excitement. No really, I am happy for you... I guess this is a good time to let you know I am thankful for my sister for giving me two beautiful nieces for me to love unconditionally, and to our close friends who allow Bill and I to be a part of their children's lives - we do really appreciate you! We hope that one day, you all will be able to be a part of our children's lives! 

Words of wisdom I tell myself everyday: You are amazing. You are one of a kind. You are beautiful. Today is the day to make a difference in someone's life! 


Love always - xoxo
Emily

Pregnancy Test Time.

All I can think of is that I’m late. My period is late. How late you ask? LATE, like weeks late. My periods have been normal lately and now this. I think I’m pregnant. Am I pregnant? Nah, just a floozy. For days, I continue each day as normal, not putting much thought into the fact that I’m late this month. I sat on my bed and thought, “Oh my gosh, I’m pregnant? What if I’m really pregnant?” I started envisioning a baby in our home, decorating a nursery, telling our family, just everything about a baby. Why do I do this to myself?! Whyyy??

So this morning, I decided to take a pregnancy test - hopeful that two lines would appear. I wait, and wait and after 5 minutes (according to the instructions), 1 line appears. One. One, lonely line. I am not pregnant. There I sat, on the window seat in my bathroom, while the steam rolled from the shower that I had not even gotten into yet. I couldn’t budge. My heart sank. My thoughts a blur. My body weakened at the thought that I was not pregnant. Why do I do this to myself, you’re probably thinking? Yea, why do I do this to myself? It’s because I still have hope. I’m hopeful that someday I will experience pregnancy and the joy of growing old with my child. I just thought today was the day.

Needless to say, I am not pregnant and maybe one day my cycle will be normal so that I don’t continue to get high hopes of the possibility of being pregnant, when I’m just LATE.

As strong as I may lead on, I am a roller coaster of emotions and thoughts. This battle with infertility will not get the best of me. I am a strong person. I do not fight this battle alone. I have the biggest support system who will not let me down. I am so appreciative of the women I have met who also struggle with infertility. It’s amazing to me that 2 years ago I had no clue what PCOS was or anything even related to infertility. And once I was diagnosed, I thought I would be alone, not realizing so many women are fighting the same fight. Although I live each day with the fear of never getting pregnant and never having a family of my own, I fight the fear with faith. I tell myself every single day, “Don’t let your fear be bigger than your faith.” This quote can help anyone. Connect with God. Believe in his word. Trust him and live each day feeling grateful, blessed, and strong. As I know I am grateful, blessed, and strong!

Words of wisdom:

Don’t ever let someone tell you you’re not beautiful. You are amazing and one of a kind. Be positive and stay strong!

God bless,

Emily

Announcement #541

Welcome to my new song and dance. What the..., you're wondering? The new Emily. My old song and dance was mentioned several blogs ago. The hopeless, lost soul wanting answers to all my "why" questions. Let me just tell you - not only has my support system grown, but, again, so has my faith. I have let go of the fact that I suffer from PCOS. There's no changing the diagnosis. There's no more getting upset with God. There's no more wondering WHEN is this life going to get better. I've come to the realization that life is only going to get better if I want to change it. Change is huge! A lot of people stay in the same spot all their life hoping and wishing things are going to change. Let me break the news to you. Change doesn't happen, unless you make it happen. Get off your hooha and do something for yourself. Are you sick of your job? Are you stuck in an abusive relationship? Are you friends with the wrong crowd? Are you battling an addiction? Are you suffering from anxiety or depression? If you answered yes, which I'm sure the majority of you did, let me help you!

Let me break out my social worker skills! (I can hear my husband saying, "Oh great. Here we go...")

Personal Development. The main principal in change is HOPE. People change because they have hope. If you don't have hope, you will not change. Right? It's up to you to make the change in your life. No one's going to do it for you. You have one life to live. Here's your opportunity to change what you have, right now! 

Here's what worked for me!

#1 - Change begins in your mind. Start by thinking about your beliefs. When you make a change, you also make a change in your beliefs. Your beliefs are a collection of thoughts perceived over time. 

#2 - Believing in yourself is key! Once you're able to believe in yourself, you make yourself a priority. No more "second best." Put your feelings first! Write down what your expectations are in life situations. Remember, you are not the "average Joe" anymore. BELIEVE that you can take on anything, and you will learn you can with no more worries and no more questioning whether you can or cannot. No more "can'ts." 

#3 - Have a positive attitude. Once you start believing in yourself, you will realize your outlook in life is more positive. You will also learn to accept others for who they are, and most importantly, you will accept yourself for who you are!

You're probably wondering how I did it. It wasn't easy, by all means. It took a lot of tries, especially dealing with infertility. I put a lot of trust into personal development. Although, failure was knocking on the door, I pushed through the negativity and succeeded. That's why I have faith that anyone can take on these 3 simple steps. Negativity is filling this society. Social media is to blame because there are so many people that can sit behind their computer or cellphone and type nasty insults all over the internet. Give this opportunity a shot. It will be worth it in the end. You will be stronger mentally and emotionally. 

I have hope that anyone reading this can and will succeed through their journey in life by believing!! My goal by writing this blog is to coach you through this change. I have grown tremendously in the past year, all because of personal development and self-care. 

"Believe you can and you're halfway there." - Theodore Roosevelt 

Just remember, you are beautiful. You are one of a kind. 

Love always,

Emily

Is this really happening?

Are you on my side, God? 

I used to question God's ability to answer prayers; however, over the past several weeks, I can see God answering my prayer. No I'm not pregnant. The answer to my prayer is just a small step in the right direction. God answers our prayers when he feels it is the right time. 

The past few weeks have opened my eyes with life. My life is no where near perfect, but I certainly can make it the best. We are our own advocate. We control what's in front of us. With a little help from the man upstairs, WE can push forward - through the obstacles that we are faced. With that being said, here's a glimpse of what I've been going through...

The past three weeks have been what I thought was torture. I have always struggled with anxiety.. more so situational anxiety. As you might recall from the last blog, my fertility doctor stopped my hormone pills due to getting my period. Stopping (synthetic) hormone pills cold turkey can cause hormonal imbalance. Hormone imbalance can cause many different symptoms; one of which is anxiety and depression. Those few weeks of anxiety and depression I thought were never going to end. In turn, it also caused insomnia. I couldn't sleep or eat. I also felt like I wasn't in control. I turned to my mom for advice, as any daughter would. She truly was my lifesaver - thank God! The simple reminders that I was in control of my thoughts, was enough to fight the fears away. Many women and even men struggle with anxiety and depression. I'm putting my story out there because the feeling of being alone is what went through my mind 24/7. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Turn your fears over to god! Let your FAITH be bigger than your FEARS!!

I also, religiously, started essential oils. After a lot of research, I feel confident that essential oils are safe and aid in managing ANY symptoms you may have. Here's a quick guide for what essential oils you should use:

Thanks to beyouthful.net for helping to understand essential oils a little better, we all can have a healthier lifestyle. By the way, I have bought my oils through YoungLiving (Danielle Murrary) and PlantLife. 

Okay, enough of that!

Back to the question, "When is this all going to happen?" Bill and I have put "getting pregnant" on the back burner. No more trips to Shady Grove Fertility planned, no more timing intercourse, no more crazy medication, no more shots, no more focusing on GETTING PREGNANT. Why you might ask!? Because - I'm tired. I'm tired of TRYING so hard. Lousy excuse you say? Well, God has a plan. I shouldn't be messing up this plan. I've accepted that what will be, will be. I'm perfectly content with my life. I love everything about it, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel I have changed since starting fertility treatments. My mind is more clearer and I believe I am a better person. I feel this is the key to success. 

I remember being that crazy bitch who cocked her head with the racing heart when someone told me they were pregnant. I remember "running away" and crying when someone said they were expecting. I remember getting chocked up when I saw a young couple who barely knew each other, let alone just dating a few months post all over social media that they were pregnant. I remember that same couple post the newborn's picture and then a different dad was the father. I remember having so many questions that started with "Why?" Looking back, I was not connected with God; therefore, I didn't know why this was all happening to Bill and I - a couple with a healthy relationship and financial stability. Well, our relationship wasn't healthy. We were too focused on other things other than US. Today, we both are more connected to each other and God. We know our "why." Our "why" is to love each other unconditionally and be a better person than we were yesterday. You may wonder why we didn't do that before? Well, we thought we were... It took a lot to come to this realization. We opened our eyes to new beginnings, a new chapter that is allowing us to open up about our past and learn from it. 

I cannot wait to see what our future brings. I hope to continue this positivity and embrace others during this time. 

"Use your smile to change the world, don't let the world change your smile." - Roman Atwood

Just remember, you are one of a kind. Put your heart into your dreams!

Love always,

Emily