And each road leads you where you want to go
And if you’re faced with the choice and you have to choose
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walkin’ ‘til you find the window
If it’s cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish for you
Is that this life becomes all that you want it to
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you’re out there gettin’ where you’re gettin’ to
I hope you know somebody loves you
And wants the same things too
Yeah, this is my wish
I hope you never look back but you never forget
All the ones who love you
And the place you left
I hope you always forgive and you never regret
And you help somebody every chance you get
Oh, you find God’s grace in every mistake
And always give more than you take
But more than anything, yeah more than anything
This is my wish
I hope you know somebody loves you
May all your dreams stay big."
I wasn't going to copy and paste the entire lyrics here; however, I can relate to the whole song!
I haven't been blogging as much. I've been sheltering my emotions because of the unknown and the changes I've recently gone through with my career. You know, I started a new job about a month ago and everyone sees that I'm married and the very first question they ask is, "How many kids do you have?" It's a very uncomfortable situation. Number one, I instantly feel heartbroken. And number two, I don't want my new colleagues to think, "Oh jeez, the new girl has infertility issues and will be missing work because of all these appointments," or "Oh jeez, don't talk about your kids around the new girl...blah blah blah." I've become so numb to what's going on... I was taking Metformin and Synthroid to get some levels balanced. Right before I started my new job, I suddenly stopped taking the medicine. Now that I've been off all of the medication for a month, I'm realizing that I'm not going to get anywhere if I don't take it. So I set a goal for myself, to start this week! With how down I am on myself, I have to look at the big picture. Worry about myself and my hubby - THAT'S IT, oh, and stay positive!!
"My Wish" has been a song that I have always loved and the song that always sticks in my head for some unknown reason. Today, I realized there's a reason why it's on repeat. Replaying the song lyrics over and over, I feel as if this song comes from the "old me" - the Emily that was strong emotionally and able to fight her emotions. The Emily that was able to stay headstrong and fight her way to the finish line. Well, today is the day I set my fears, frustrations, and negativity aside and fight the infertility battle.
Setting all that aside, I just want to say how incredibly proud I am of William. He works fulltime, some days more than 12+ hours, and has had tons of screen printing orders placed. He is working his tail off in order to support our dreams of having a family. With all that is going on lately, we have worked on our relationship. I've read that it's normal for couples with infertility issues to feel that sex is a job.. Yes, I said it, a job! We don't want to be a part of a statistic that says "Couples with infertility feel sex is a job," so we've made it fun. Yes, TMI, but remember this blog is to support other PCOS "Cysters" and ladies experiencing infertility for unknown reasons. For couples experiencing infertility, they get so focused on the timing. It's like "Sex on Demand." - Ok, I'm ovulating, let's do it.. It doesn't always work like that; plus, it's annoying and a turn-off. I'm not a piece of machinery... It's important to have the conversation with your hubby about what turns you both on, that way you can enjoy each other, rather than "Am I propped up high enough?," "Am I at the right angle?," "Hurry, put a pillow under my butt!" Oh my goodness, my mom is going to freak when she reads this... Sorry mother!
I almost wrote, "sorry if I offended anyone." But you know what, I don't care. You know why, because this is the true me. This is what infertility looks and feels like. If you never had or have to experience this, thank the good Lord up above. And while you are talking to him, pray for me and and everyone else who is dealing with infertility. It truly is an emotional roller coaster.
OK, that's enough for one day! I appreciate everyone's words of encouragement.
Love always.
You are beautiful,
Emily
