Have you ever struggled with something for what seemed like forever? Or something that you deal with on a daily basis? Something you keep inside and don't really talk to others about? I can answer yes to all 3 of those questions! Not only do I struggle with infertility, I've been struggling more lately with thyroid complications. I just knew something didn't seem right. As much as I diet or work-out, I have been struggling with my weight for the past few years. My body aches. My head hurts. I'm tired all day even when I get 8+ hour of sleep a night. My anxiety is out of control. My immune system is terrible; as I'm currently sick with another sinus infection, which makes 4 for the year. And the list goes on... I just want to feel normal again. I want to feel how I felt when I was in the early years of high school. Unfortunately that isn't going to happen anytime soon, so instead, we'll just figure out how to manage how I am today. A person with an abnormal acting thyroid, can have lots of unusual side effects and complications.
Anxiety. Phewwwww, where do I begin? Well self-help has been my best friend during times of anxiety. Whether it's social anxiety, or even my husband's driving.. Yikes! It's probably not even bad driving skills, it's just me over-reacting which throws a monkey wrench into it and then he gets mad. I'm sorry babe, I just can't control it... or so I think. I think I am getting one step closer to overcoming social anxiety. My company sent a group of us to a conference 3 hours away from home. At first, I thought there is no way I can do this. But then I thought, what could possibly go wrong, right? I mean, I was fine on the outside, it was just my inside was a hot mess, haha. Needless to say, I survived and was thankful I went!
New doctor. Timing is everything. The endocrinologist who I had been going to, who I thought was managing my hypothyroidism, was let go. It was my responsibility to find a new physician - a new specialist, which is difficult because I wanted the best. I wanted to find someone who could help me not only manage my thyroid, but who could also help with the infertility. Surprisingly enough, I found a nurse practitioner. She listened to my questions and found me the answers. She explained in detail why things aren't happening and why things are happening - never did I have that. While the previous doctor didn't do any research about my thyroid and just used lab work to make the diagnosis and determine medication dosage, my new CRNP wanted more. So I was set up to have a thyroid ultrasound. Doesn't sound like much, but it was very uncomfortable. Then I waited, and waited, and waited, for which seemed like weeks for results. And then there is good 'ole technology called "patient portal." Ha, that was such a terrible idea for me... I read the report by the Radiologist, and down at the bottom of the page read... "Biopsy." There are 2 nodules that straddle the thyroid. Talk about a panic attack!!!! I felt bad for anyone I encountered because my nerves sure got the best of me. Two days after the ultrasound, my CRNP contacted me and told me the news. As I sat in my office, all I could focus on was the "C" word - cancer. I'm 28 years old, I can't have cancer. Another "Why me?" question... Boy did the tears take over - not only that moment, but non-stop tearfulness. I was scared!
I called to setup my biopsy with an oncologist who was recommended as "the best." When I called to schedule, the scheduler told me that he was out of the office for 2 weeks. Two weeks, are you kidding me! I need answers like now!! Well, I waited for the two longest weeks EVER. Thank goodness for my mom, we ventured to the oncology office and thank god for being the first patient of the day, I was taken back to the procedure room right away. The physician came in, did an exam, discussed what was going on, and reviewed the ultrasound. The doctor explained that even though there are two nodules, they are small enough to not need to biopsy them. And although they COULD be cancer, thyroid cancer is very treatable and manageable. I will follow up again in 1 year for another ultrasound! Good news, right!?
The oncologist also informed me that I have Hashimoto's disease, which explains why I have the symptoms I have. Hashimoto's disease goes hand-in-hand with hypothyroidism. It is also an autoimmune disorder, which explains why I get sick as soon as there is a bug going around. I know I used to blog so much about PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome), however, I feel that PCOS is not an accurate diagnosis for me. So my next step is to try to figure out how to manage Hashimoto. Anyone have any experience with it? I started reading Thyroid Revolution by Dr. Aviva Romm. It has been helpful to connect with a physician who understands! I feel like she wrote the book specifically just for me!
Life. My focus isn't so much about getting pregnant. As bad as I'd love to start a family. I know right now is not the right time. I've learned over the past few months, that I need to focus on ME. Life has been good! Bill and I have been putting time into our relationship, which is good for any marriage. We celebrated 6 years of marriage in September and I'm thankful for where God has brought me. I always think of the quote, " You have been assigned this mountain to show others it can be moved."
Not a whole lot has changed, so we'll make this short and sweet. I thank you for supporting me in this journey!
Much love,
Emily
