Here's my list of things I normally don't tell ANYONE about my journey with infertility and please, don't be uncomfortable with what I'm about to say:
- I need days alone to just grieve.
- I still want to be included in (stuff).
- I appreciate you telling me your pregnant 1:1.
- I cry a lot, but still smile - just because.
- Your advice isn't helpful. I've heard a MILLION times, "Just don't think about it."
- Don't hide the fact you're pregnant because you're scared how I may react.
- I feel like an outsider sometimes.
- I do not want to hear you complain about your pregnancy.
- I put my feelings aside because I feel guilty.
****************
I took a day off from work today and was able to get a lot done around the house. As a took a break from folding laundry, I turned on the TV and just so happened to catch the Today Show with Hoda Kotb and Kathy Lee Gifford. Today, Hoda returned from "maternity leave." She adopted a beautiful baby girl. Her story and journey are incredible. At one point, I caught myself crying. While talking about whether she should adopt at her age and if the "time is right," she mentioned the feeling of her life not being complete - so she went for it. She knew it was right when she held her baby girl for the first time! "I'll take the bad ones (days) because I would've begged for that kind of a day, if I could just have a child." I feel this feeling oh so frequently. When I hear parents complaining about how terrible their child was that day, or how they can't do this, or can't do that because of their child(ren). Really?! How do you think people who struggle getting pregnant feel when we hear this? I may never get the chance to birth my own child and experience all the joy you have from pregnancy and beyond. Just think about that the next time...
I continue to follow many couples who have adopted, which gives me hope that maybe one day Bill and I can do the same. What are we waiting for? We still have so many questions and our comfort level isn't where it needs to be, but I have faith, we'll get there! If you've adopted, I'd love to hear your story! This isn't to say, trying to conceive on our own is out of the picture. We still have a few options through the infertility specialist we haven't tried.
"God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than all your disappointments."
God bless and much love,
Emily
