Survival Kit.

New parents have a "survival kit," so why shouldn't couples experiencing infertility have their own "survival kit?" As part of setting goals for myself for overcoming the struggle of getting pregnant, I decided to put together a survival kit for my husband and I. 

Pamper Yourself
First of all, pamper yourself! One thing I put on the back burner, because of working in the helping profession, I always think of putting others first. Setting time aside to go for a manicure is just enough "me time."

Date Night
With the diagnosis of PCOS, I tend to blame myself for not getting pregnant. I feel terrible that my husband is "stuck" with a woman who can't conceive normally. So to be able to give back to him, we will have more date nights - whether it's grabbing a bite to eat, Sweet Frog, a picnic, or going for a walk; it's important to have these special moments together. It's moments like these when I fall back in love with my husband! Yes, we spend day in and day out with just each other, besides working hours, but I truly enjoy spending quality time one-on-one. 

God
As angry as I get at God because I question, why me, I always have to remember that he is the one that gives me strength to get through the days and the motivation to stay positive. So I have added the bible to my survival kit. If you still haven't accepted Christ into your life (your loss), look into self-help books for guidance. 

Tissues
For those of you not experiencing infertility, you may think I'm crazy, but better be damned if I'm not throwing in a box of tissues. My emotions are a roller coaster. Some days are better than others, but let's be real, the thought of not getting pregnant crosses my mind more often than it should. There's many nights I fall asleep with tears in my eyes.

Getaways 
My husband and I bought our house several years ago with the anticipation of raising a family in this house. When we painted the entire house, we made sure to paint the "nursery" the color we wanted for when we had children. Well, the walls are painted, but minus the babe. I must say, it is difficult to come home each day, 4 years later, to just my husband and me. The routine gets old, we feel like roommates some days, and we just forget to love each other. Again, sounds crazy, but true. In order to change up the boring weekends, we are going to venture out and getaway - go boating, spend time at the beach, do things we love to do!

I look forward to adding new things to my survival kit and can't wait to share with you our experiences! Just remember, whether my blogging helps 100 people or 1 person, my journey is different from yours and it has taken a lot for me to open up to each of you.

Remember, stay positive. Love you all!

Blinded.

Since the past few years have been a bust with infertility, I am setting new goals for myself. I'll be the first to admit that I let myself go. Unfortunately though, the signs and symptoms of PCOS are my barriers - anxiety, weight gain, acne, irregular menstrual cycles and the lovely "excess hair growth"; all of which I have. Part of me is frustrated and wants to break down and cry, which I have done a lot of recently, but I know crying isn't getting me anywhere. Yes, I know, it's a normal emotion to feel. I just feel that getting emotional is just setting me back. It's time to have a new outlook and turn the negatives into positives. Have you ever let something get to you and bother you for days? Don't fool yourself, you know there's been a time - whether it's over money, a relationship, infertility, a job, school, etc. Even the feeling of being overwhelmed. It's times like these when your own psycho-social well-being needs to accept the emotions and have a plan to be able to manage your emotions the next time you become upset or when something bothers you.

Anxiety is something I struggle with the most. I have had anxiety probably since I was in high school. I would get so anxious over nothing to the point I would break out in a sweat and think I was going to pass out. I have learned to overcome some of the anxiety by doing the following:

• Exercise
• Take deep breaths
• Get a good nights rest
• Challenge the "What if" phrase
• Remain positive
• Stop drinking caffeinated drinks
• Talk out my feelings with someone who cares 

Ok, so what about the other symptoms of PCOS? Weight gain. For women, weight gain is such a self-esteem buster. Shopping for clothes has been the absolute worst. Thank god for leggings, boots, and big baggy shirts. Cute, right? Eating healthy is hard. I love to snack! Lately, I have altered my diet and cut out snacking. It has been the most difficult thing to do, but what I've learned is to stay busy. I don't allow myself the time to open the fridge or go to the pantry to "browse" because I'm bored. 

Next - Acne. As a teenager, acne is expected. As an adult, acne is not welcomed any longer. The phase in my life to get acne should have passed, but unfortunately it missed the memo. I have been going to a skin care clinic for laser hair removal for the excess hair growth that comes with PCOS, and they introduced me to a green tea fortified cleanser. It has done wonders to my face and prevented most pimples. I highly recommend it!

Lastly, irregular menstrual periods. I have had irregular periods since the time I got my period. Not very fun, considering you never know when it is going to pop up. Before I got married, I had taken a low dose birth control pill to help regulate my menses, which definitely helped with regulation and cramping. Now, however, I'm back to square one. Terrible cramps and irregular monthly cycles. My GYN started me on Clomid, which helped with ovulation. I took the Clear Blue smiley ovulation tests through the 3 rounds of Clomid and got smiley faces each time.. Still no baby. Now that I've been diagnosed with PCOS, my doctor thinks the Clomid dose wasn't strong enough. I'm excited to start more rounds of testing and a new fertility drug. 

I know PCOS has other symptoms, but the ones I listed above, just happen to be the symptoms that I am experiencing. Do you have any techniques that help you?

2016 is going to be the year to focus on myself, my attitude, new goals, and most importantly my health. I am a very goal oriented person. Over the next few days, I'm going to set some goals for myself and for my marriage. Any ideas?

Here's my advice to you. Don't be blinded of your own emotions, your loved one's emotions, or even a stranger's emotions. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily routine that we don't get to focus on the people that need us the most, including ourselves. Take 15 minutes out of your daily routine to meditate, read the Bible, pray, or just ask your spouse how their day went. You never know what tomorrow may bring. Focus on today!

Love you all!

Don't Give Up.

Let me start out by saying, thank you! Granted, I only started this blog two days ago, but I am so grateful for everyone who views my blog. Why you might ask? Because you all are supporting me and everyone who has the same experience, whether you think you are or not. I am amazed at the amount of private messages I have received from ladies informing me of having the same diagnosis. It is helping me to accept the diagnosis and the struggle even more. 

Is 2016 the year? Maybe... I thought 2015 was, and 2014, and 2013, and 2012... I am not ready to accept "giving up." Everyone just tells me to stop worrying and to not think about trying to get pregnant. WHAT?! Who says that to someone whose mind is set on having the perfect little family? Let me just tell you, it's not that easy! Nor do I wish it was easy. As a little girl carrying around a baby doll, I always wished of having a child. It was one of the first conversations Bill and I had when we started dating. Having a child is so important to me, so before you start asking questions, stop, it's not a conversation you want to have with just anyone, even if you think you really know the person. Just so you know, I am happy for any woman who is pregnant. I'm okay with hearing your wonderful news. I just hope and pray that some day I will achieve the same. 

Infertility effects 1 in 7 couples. The most common cause of infertility is polycystic ovarian syndrome. I regret waiting over 4 years to meet with an infertility doctor, but I am also very thankful for physicians who specialize in infertility as they are the experts to provide a plan for us. I encourage every woman to have regular gynecology appointments and ask questions!  

So I've received the paperwork from the infertility nurse, status post the consultation from the doctor. It's all becoming so surreal. And the testing begins... for Bill and I! He's thrilled, let me tell you! At least his is just blood work since he's already been through the traumatic part of his testing, months ago. He's such a great support system through this entire process. I've read so many blogs by women going through the same, and have read that their spouse is not supportive. Ladies, if your spouse is not supportive of this process, stop! You can't go through this without the person you need the most. This obviously isn't something to do alone. 

Words of wisdom...

Jumping In!

Nice of you to come back! I decided to name the blog, "The Space Between." Why you might ask? I feel it's appropriate because of the unknown. I remember an old friend who always said my husband and my life was perfect - we had the perfect jobs, the best relationship and got to do a lot of fun stuff whenever we wanted. Well, I hate to break the news to you, but our life is not perfect by any means. We have daily struggles! No one ever knows what their life will be, what journey they decide to take in life, or even what barriers/hardships are thrown their way. For me, each day is a new day and I'll take whatever God throws me. I grew up a church girl going to Sunday School and when I became a teenager, I dreaded church... like most of you I'm sure. Now looking back, I regret not going as frequently. I'm thankful that in today's world with the technology we have, I can access church services via the web - awesome, by the way! With having this access, I have been able to become closer to God through prayer.

I recently discovered evangelist, Clayton Jennings. Talk about an inspiration! Clayton has helped me through the struggle of infertility through his love for Jesus Christ. I used to feel so alone, even when I'm surrounded by people who love me, but because I have opened up my life to Christ, I no longer struggle with feeling alone. I feel that with the relationship I now have with Christ, Bill and I are able to pass over the fear of infertility into God's hands. 

Let me ask you.. Where do you stand with Jesus Christ? Are you struggling with something that you feel you can't discuss with someone else? Do you feel alone? Open your mind and heart and let him in. It won't hurt! Remember, Jesus Christ died for you. 

Okay, enough of my preaching. I just like to #telltheworld! 

I'm excited to "jump in" and fill the space between! 

Welcome!

Welcome! I have been reading more blogs and watching more vlogs about peoples' lives that it has inspired me to write my own blog. As a child, I used to journal. I would write about anything and everything. Thankfully, no one ever "found" my journal. It would be cool to sit down and read them one day; now that it's been many, many years since I've journaled. 

So you probably are wondering why I've felt inspired to blog. Well, thanks to Roman Atwood and his family, his motto to "Smile More," has truly lifted me up, made me a better person, and have helped my relationship with my husband and God. I know, it probably sounds crazy... Roman brings out the positive in everything. Not having a good day? Just check out RomanAtwoodVlogs on YouTube. My husband and I are hooked! 

Another reason I have felt inspired to blog, is because every one of our lives is a journey - a unique, creative, individual journey. My husband and I have been together for 9 plus years, and married for 4 years 4 months. We want to start a family, but have been struggling. Let's face it, this is difficult for me to even write this for the whole world to see. However, the struggle has gone on for over 4 years, with very few people even knowing. The questions of, "When are you going to start to have a family?," "Are you guys ever going to have kids?," "It's your turn!," "What are you waiting for?" - the list goes on. Well you want the answer?? What we're waiting for is not just the right time, but for the doctors to find out what is going on. We've been through lots of tests and procedures and still no answers. Today we had our initial consultation via phone with our doctor at Shady Grove Fertility. Let me just tell you, it was a great consultation and we learned a lot. The doctor reviewed our medical information and spoke with us for over an hour. After discussing many fertility options and possible diagnoses, we decided to take the next step with a different fertility medication. With the possibility of having polycystic ovary syndrome, there's a lot that I need to do to prepare to change; such as eating habits, exercise, medications/supplements, and mental preparations. I feel like I should be feeling anxious, scared, devastated, or ashamed of the diagnosis, but there's no reason to feel that way. We have to stay positive and keep praying. God doesn't give you what you can't handle! 

Stay tuned! This is just a short glimpse, since getting started in the "blogging world."