Who Am I?

Sometimes I wonder, who am I? Since being diagnosed with PCOS, I feel less like a woman. For those of you that don't have PCOS, you are probably wondering why. Well, here's my reason - 1) A woman should be able to reproduce naturally. That is our job as a woman, right?. Guess what, I can't. 2) My body is producing more testosterone than an average female which results in excessive amounts of body hair, excess body weight, and decreased fertility. 3) All the other symptoms that go along with PCOS, makes me feel like my husband should not have to put up with "someone" like me. Thank god he reassures me on a daily basis, that no matter what, he'll always love me. (Thanks babe!)

So do you see where I'm coming from?! It must be nice to ovulate normally and get pregnant within the next month. Women take that for granted! 

Guess what?! Thursday was "the time of the month" (AKA my friend's in town). Bummer... Insert sad face here, kind of feeling. I was instructed during our initial meeting with Shady Grove Fertility, to call and make appointment during day 1-3 of cycle to set up blood work and ultrasound. So Thursday I called, and was able to be seen Friday at 8am! Two vials of blood work and an ultrasound later, I was getting closer to more results and a plan. The ultrasound tech, doctor, and Bill were bedside providing comfort as they could tell my stress level was heightened. The tech was looking at the screen and said, "27" - meaning 27 follicles on the left ovary. The doctor said, "Wow!" I started freaking out and asked them, "What does that mean?" "What's normal?" They didn't say much other than "that's higher than normal." The right side has 30 follicles. I was informed that the normal amount of follicles is between 6 and 12. My results, again, reassure that PCOS is my diagnosis. 

Saturday Bill and I went for more blood work. For me they ordered 27 tests. For Bill there were 4. His was only 2 vials. Mine was 13 vials! I was most definitely not expecting that at all! THIRTEEN! Helloooooo, I almost passed out. The lady who drew my blood was so kind and so patient with me. I wish I knew her name so that she could be recognized for a job well done! 

Once we got something to eat and came home, I could not believe how exhausted I was. I guess I should have realized 13 vials of blood and having my period would take a lot out of me. I know when women are pregnant, they get blood work done and have lots of appointments, but what they don't realize is, couples who experience infertility go through a lot and sometimes don't have the joy of ever experiencing child birth or the fresh smell of a baby or the soft, smooth skin of a baby or any of the other joys of being a family of 3. Infertility treatments is taking a gamble. You pray and hope one day God grants you the ability to get pregnant and have a health pregnancy. Until then, I pray that my emotions and frustrations don't get the best of me and bring me down.

To be able to blog and put everything out in the public takes a lot of courage. I want to thank YOU for being sincere and supportive through this journey. What helps me the most is the messages, comments, and even in person support and words of encouragement - most of which are from people I barely know. Again, thank you; I couldn't do it without you!

My fortune cookie from the other day leads me to believe the struggle will soon end...