I used to question God's ability to answer prayers; however, over the past several weeks, I can see God answering my prayer. No I'm not pregnant. The answer to my prayer is just a small step in the right direction. God answers our prayers when he feels it is the right time.
The past few weeks have opened my eyes with life. My life is no where near perfect, but I certainly can make it the best. We are our own advocate. We control what's in front of us. With a little help from the man upstairs, WE can push forward - through the obstacles that we are faced. With that being said, here's a glimpse of what I've been going through...
The past three weeks have been what I thought was torture. I have always struggled with anxiety.. more so situational anxiety. As you might recall from the last blog, my fertility doctor stopped my hormone pills due to getting my period. Stopping (synthetic) hormone pills cold turkey can cause hormonal imbalance. Hormone imbalance can cause many different symptoms; one of which is anxiety and depression. Those few weeks of anxiety and depression I thought were never going to end. In turn, it also caused insomnia. I couldn't sleep or eat. I also felt like I wasn't in control. I turned to my mom for advice, as any daughter would. She truly was my lifesaver - thank God! The simple reminders that I was in control of my thoughts, was enough to fight the fears away. Many women and even men struggle with anxiety and depression. I'm putting my story out there because the feeling of being alone is what went through my mind 24/7. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Turn your fears over to god! Let your FAITH be bigger than your FEARS!!
I also, religiously, started essential oils. After a lot of research, I feel confident that essential oils are safe and aid in managing ANY symptoms you may have. Here's a quick guide for what essential oils you should use:
Thanks to beyouthful.net for helping to understand essential oils a little better, we all can have a healthier lifestyle. By the way, I have bought my oils through YoungLiving (Danielle Murrary) and PlantLife.
Okay, enough of that!
Back to the question, "When is this all going to happen?" Bill and I have put "getting pregnant" on the back burner. No more trips to Shady Grove Fertility planned, no more timing intercourse, no more crazy medication, no more shots, no more focusing on GETTING PREGNANT. Why you might ask!? Because - I'm tired. I'm tired of TRYING so hard. Lousy excuse you say? Well, God has a plan. I shouldn't be messing up this plan. I've accepted that what will be, will be. I'm perfectly content with my life. I love everything about it, and I wouldn't change it for the world. I feel I have changed since starting fertility treatments. My mind is more clearer and I believe I am a better person. I feel this is the key to success.
I remember being that crazy bitch who cocked her head with the racing heart when someone told me they were pregnant. I remember "running away" and crying when someone said they were expecting. I remember getting chocked up when I saw a young couple who barely knew each other, let alone just dating a few months post all over social media that they were pregnant. I remember that same couple post the newborn's picture and then a different dad was the father. I remember having so many questions that started with "Why?" Looking back, I was not connected with God; therefore, I didn't know why this was all happening to Bill and I - a couple with a healthy relationship and financial stability. Well, our relationship wasn't healthy. We were too focused on other things other than US. Today, we both are more connected to each other and God. We know our "why." Our "why" is to love each other unconditionally and be a better person than we were yesterday. You may wonder why we didn't do that before? Well, we thought we were... It took a lot to come to this realization. We opened our eyes to new beginnings, a new chapter that is allowing us to open up about our past and learn from it.
I cannot wait to see what our future brings. I hope to continue this positivity and embrace others during this time.
"Use your smile to change the world, don't let the world change your smile." - Roman Atwood
Just remember, you are one of a kind. Put your heart into your dreams!
Love always,
Emily
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