I can't even begin to describe my feelings, emotions, or thoughts. This week has truly been overwhelming to say the least. On Wednesday, I made a trip to Shady Grove to see the growth of my follicles. I could tell in the radiology tech's voice that she wasn't seeing much action. She saw one follicle that was 10.6 mm. As mentioned in previous blogs, in order to move forward with fertility treatments, follicles need to be at least 18 mm. I received my results Wednesday evening after the physician reviewed them. The nurse said I'd need to schedule another appointment Friday for bloodwork and ultrasound. I showed up Wednesday with hope the follicle has matured. The doctor did the ultrasound this time. My hands started to get clammy, my heart started racing, and my anxiety started getting the best of me. The pressure that's involved with an internal ultrasound, made me just want to pee my... well I'd say pants, but I didn't have any on, so I guess pee the table I was sitting on. Ugh. So much for feeling modest. The doctor got to the follicle that we saw on Wednesday, and she didn't even need to say anything.. My heart dropped and I just wanted to start crying as I sat there feeling alone. She said, "I'm sorry, but the follicle is still the same size. You'll have to come back on Monday." She cleaned the device, washed her hands, and walked out. There I sat. Alone. I felt so angry. At who? I don't know. I got dressed, paid my copay and walked to my car. I literally sat there for a few minutes, got the courage to call Bill, held in my tears and told him the scoop. I'm so thankful that he is so positive and motivating, as that is the only way I can keep it together some days. I pulled out of the parking lot and somehow managed to drive home, crying my eyes out and talking to God. "Why me?," I kept asking. I have to remind myself, "I will wait on you Lord, as I know you are working on it." As my patience continues to run thin, I am connecting more and more with the Lord. He's not giving up, so why should I?
You're probably now wondering, what's the next step? Me too. I chose not to take another dose of Femara within this cycle, because of my body and mind on overload. With stopping the progesterone hormone, my body's hormones are unbalanced, causing extreme anxiety, fatigue, hot flashes, and other crazy side effects; all of which are normal when stopping hormones. With this being said, my body needs a break. I need a break! Even with recently starting treatments in the past few months, I'm ready to put everything on hold and focus on Bill and my relationship. You just never know, with not focusing on "getting pregnant" every freaking day, my body may just do its own thing!
Now onto the fun stuff! Did I mention Bill and I planted veggies in the Spring? With this being our first garden, I was hesitant if 1) I was watering enough and 2) Was I over watering? I do not have a green thumb at all.. Sorry Dad! However, we have been successful so far. 5 peppers and 5 cucumbers. I thought I planted a zucchini plant, but apparently I got another cucumber plant. This is so exciting! We're saving money and eating healthy!
I mentioned in my last blog about going kayaking. We did it! It was so much fun, although I got wet from William splashing me. Bill took his fishing gear and caught a nice sized bass. I took in the scenery! Here's a raw clip -
Our next adventure is in the works. We each have to decide on 3 places we'd like to go on a day trip - my list is already made.. Just waiting on Willis! I'm so excited!!
Thanks for tuning in! You are why we are so positive. It's the number of views we get on this blog, private messages, texts, and calls that keep me going. I cannot thank you enough!!
As always, you are amazing and one of a kind. Keep doing what you're doing!
Love always,
Emily
No comments:
Post a Comment